He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
