What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
