Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
