I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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