In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
