Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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