You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
