you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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