Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
