My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
