I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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