new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
