I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
