I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Me too!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
