Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
