I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
