If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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