these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
