I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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