Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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