I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm sobbing to NWA
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
