a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
