My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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