I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
