someone get that fucking seahorse.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
