he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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