In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
