My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
