the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
