i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
