Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
