What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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