how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
