sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
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