What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
