he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
