im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
