I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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