He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
