There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
