she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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