Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
