He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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