I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
