I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
