He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
