He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
