The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Houston, we have a blender
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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