If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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