he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It's shark week go big or go home
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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