i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
