True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
His hands were made for my vagina.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
