if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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