I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
