'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
