was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
