there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize