If that was your dad, he is hot
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Rumble strips road head = magical
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize