one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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