On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
