I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
