Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize