So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Randomize
