I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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