so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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